Rifenbary: “… share with others what you love”
KINGSTON – Best-selling motivational author Jay Rifenbary was standing on a chair Thursday morning in Kingston, describing his first parachute jump to the Ulster County Chamber of Commerce. Members listened with anticipation, as he described getting tangled in the lines, plummeting quickly towards death.
The West Point graduate and Kingston native interrupted the story to make an important point about personal accountability.
“The first type of person does the swan dive of life into the quagmire of despair,” Rifenbary explained. “The second person pulls himself out, takes a step back, and reflects on what they just went through.”
Known worldwide for his leadership workshops, Rifenbary has been touring the lecture circuit for over 20 years with his message, detailed in the book “No Excuse! – Incorporating Core Values, Accountability, and Balance into Your Life and Career,” followed by several sequels. Last year, he finally returned to his hometown for a leadership Chamber dinner speech.
Thursday’s talk was equally fast-paced, as the animated speaker worked his way through the audience, drawing bursts of laughter and teardrops of empathy from listeners, while explaining important lessons through real-life examples. Rifenbary had their complete attention while adding further wisdom to his skydiving cliffhanger.
“Share me a passion that you have outside of work. You will find that your greatest joy is to share with others what you love.”
Shortly before hitting the ground, Rifenbary followed his training and bicycled his legs to untangle the parachute cords, narrowly avoiding disaster. The Chamber, gripped by the narrative, breathed a sigh of relief. He stepped down from atop the chair, and continued.
Noting the importance of personal honesty, Rifenbary reflected back to his own life decisions, recalling being forced to repeat seventh grade after his father died. The ordeal resulted in low self-esteem, and desire to be recognized. He confessed to studying nuclear physics at West Point in order to showcase his abilities. People feel inspired when they are validated, he said.
“It doesn’t matter if a thousand people appreciate you; that’s just icing on the cake,” Rifenbary said. “The one question at the end of every day, is do you appreciate yourself. Mark my word, if I’m projecting to the world one thing, and living another, there’s no way I can appreciate myself because I’m living a lie. I can never be complete and happy because I’m in violation of myself,”
Warning against the temporary fix of materialism, he offered the old adage, “I’ve never seen a U-Haul behind a hearse; you can’t take it with you,” he said.
Rifenbary concluded by sharing his lifetime moment of clarity, which arrived eight years ago, when a woman at a seminar asked him the profound question. “She said, if your father was alive today, what would you tell him? I didn’t see that coming,” he said.
“All of a sudden it hit me, and I responded to her like this. I said you know what, I wouldn’t tell him anything, but I’d ask him everything. A light bulb went on; you teach best in life what you want to learn the most.” He implored the members to think about how they would want to be remembered.
