Communicated Content – Whether your older children are still living with you or have already left home and are thinking of moving back, the most important thing about having adult kids living with you is to clarify your expectations upfront. It requires you to have honest communication with them. Represent yourself well as a parent. Do you expect your child to contribute to the budget, or will it be enough if they take on more responsibility around the home? Clarifying these things will ensure everyone starts out on the right foot.
Talk About the Future
Think about what may happen to your child in the future. You may be allowing them to live with you while they work on their college degree to prepare them for a certain career path. Resentment often builds when a child lives at home to avoid the responsibility of a job and regular bills, so make sure allowing them to live at home does not allow them to avoid the responsibility. Helping your child go to college can prepare them for the responsibility of living independently. One way you can do this is by getting a low-rate parent loan. There are Earnest college loans for parents available that can make their education more affordable and give them a strong start in life.
Create Limits for Each Other
Ensure you set limits for your child, especially if they are moving back home after living away for a time. You can change these parameters as needed, but you should be clear about the overall plan upfront. If you are allowing an unemployed child to move back home, you may allow them to stay until they find a job but require them to be making measurable progress toward that goal. Or you may allow them to live with you until they have built their savings up to a certain point. Setting these types of limits can motivate your child to make progress in the right direction. If they have no guidance, they will not be as motivated to get a job or save money. You are not telling them what to do but you are telling them what is required in order to live with you.
Come Up with a Plan
Just because you are helping your child get back on their feet does not mean you should provide everything they or wants. Instead, you should come up with a tangible timeline. Maybe you aim to teach your child about investing or perhaps you agree that after college graduation, you help them get their first apartment. Some parents collect rent from their children when they live at home and set aside a portion of that rent, which can then be used as a security deposit on an apartment later. No matter how you decide to deal with money, you should set a ground rule that they need to be working toward a measurable goal to live in your home. Setting ground rules can help them get there, but ultimately it will be up to them to make their success happen.
Consider What You Need
It’s important to understand what you are looking for as well. Think about what you need from your child to make things work, and know what you are and are not willing to put up with. Let your child know what your needs are. You may expect your child to clean up after themselves every time they finish with an item. You may be willing for them to have friends over, but only until a certain time each night. If your child does not respect what you need, resentment may start to build, and this does not create a healthy living situation.
Don’t Feel Guilty
You may have done everything for your child in the past, so you may feel guilty about asking them to contribute to the household. Even if you don’t feel guilty right now, your child may try to push back because you are changing what they have always known. They may try to make you feel guilty that you are doing this to them. However, when managing parental guilt the important thing is that you have thought things through and considered your principles and needs. This allows you to hold back your anger as you explain that the rules are to help your child learn to function as an adult. Whenever you start to feel resentment build up, you should ask yourself if you are overstepping any boundaries. Honoring your relationship requires you to take responsibility for what you require of your child and what you need.
